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We're an American family living in Australia, where everything seems a little bit turned-upside-down.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Mini Version of Me

McKinley has half of my DNA.
She looks like me.
At times, she acts like me.
She likes some of the things I like, and sometimes we even say the same things at the EXACT same time.
And yet, she is not me.

I'd like her to be more like me.
Or would I? 
What I really think is that I'd like her to be everything I am not. 

I find myself pushing her in the directions I wish I would have gone.  I want her to be smarter than me, to make smarter choices.  I want her to be a singer, a pianist, an artist, a dancer, a golfer, a tennis star. 
I want her to be able to do the splits and back handsprings so she can be a cheerleader. 

I wonder what McKinley thinks of when she thinks of me? 
Does she see that I was once a little girl who grew up trying all the things listed above? 
Or does she see a woman obsessed with keeping the house tidy, the baby fed, and the laundry done?

I'd like her to see that I am just like her. 
I am a nine year old girl whose life may be almost half over, but who feels like it is just beginning. 
I still want to be good at something. 

I want to be a pianist, a dancer, a singer, a golfer, a tennis star.
I want to be her cheerleader! 
I want her to know I love God, her Dad, her, and her brothers, more than I love anything or anyone on this earth. 
I want her to know that although sometimes it doesn't seem true, I also love myself, and I love what I do. 

If she could realize this sooner than later, that would be great.  In the meantime, I am going to accept this little "mini version of me" for what she is: herself.

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